He call's himself a "Father"



My "father" wishes that I was like this without him in my life.


I received more messages from my "father" Kenneth E Paschall Jr. He calls himself a father, makes me want to laugh. He seems to think that I need his advice about how to live my life and the career choices that I make for myself. I don't need either, he wasn't in my life for 16 years, what in the hell make him think I need him in my life now when I'm twenty-one (21) years old. I've got two, not one, but TWO careers, getting married (probably), getting my own apartment, my own vehicle, and paying my own bills. He can boss around my older brother because Kenny isn't as smart nor does he have the intelligence to tell my "father" to take a flying fucking jump off a cliff. I realize that it sounds as though I'm being "harsh" towards Mr. Asshole, but through all the bullshit that he had put my mother, my grandparents and my self through he deserves absolutly no respect from me. If people knew how he really is, they wouldn't treat him with respect either. I'll put in DEEP detail of the things he had done to us, his own blood, later in my blog.

I've got this kind of attitude & it says just how I feel

Summer Break 2011

My fiance, Brandon, and I left Guthrie Job Corps  Center for our summer break on July 29th about an hour after we had arrived in Fort Worth, Texas, his mother, Darla, had picked us up and we were on our way to Henderson, Texas. Its a nice little small town, if you can call it small. I like it here, from where his mother, sister, and niece live you don't hear sirens going off all through the night, I can actually sit out on the front porch and look up at the stars. At first I wasn't sure if I should have come with Brandon to his mother's for the summer, but then I begun to realize that I was having quite a good time. We haven't argued or anything since we've been on summer break.

Job Corps Emblem

We're due to return to Guthrie, Oklahoma, on July 18th (next Monday). I'm actually not looking forward to going back but I know that I won't be there for much longer. Considering my progress in my classes I'll be leaving complete soon and then finally becoming independent. I've received many messages from my father, Kenneth E Paschall Jr., he wants me to go visit with him, but I've been thinking that since he is just now contacting me, he must be up to something. I love my father don't get me wrong, but for my father to be wanting to see me is quite wired even for him. He knows that I'm attending Job Corps, knowing this is quite clear that I'm going to be busy trying to accomplish my goals and finish by Christmas, yet he still insists that I must be the one to visit with him. Says that he'd pick me up, and drop me off where need be, after considering my options among other things I'm refusing to visit with him unless he visits with me at Job Corps. I'm unable to leave just for the weekend b/c I'd have to take a personal day and I honestly don't wish to use my personal days unless it's an emergency.

I'm simply not going to let my father's negativity have an effect on my summer break this year, for the first time in my life I'm actually happy, if my family can't accept this then all well, I am who I am and I'm not about to change.  This past weekend Darla, Brittany (Brandon's sister) and Melody (Brandon's niece), Brandon, and I all went out the Shreveport, Louisiana, not only did I have a FANTASTIC time on this trip but I also got to see LA for the first time in my life. I'm actually having fun and not letting others bring me down. Granted there have been a few time's I've wanted to slap the hell out of Brandon, but we've talked things out and I was finally able to get him to stop acting like a complete idiot.

Shreveport, Louisiana

Granted I come to the library a lot, but around here when you don't have any money its either head to the library, window shopping, taking little kids to the "water park", or sitting at home. I choose to come to the library, its not the funnest thing to do in town but it beats sitting at home with nothing to do.

I'm not going to sit here and lie, I've been having second thoughts about the relationship with Brandon, but I can't just give up at least not yet. I'm hoping that his attitude towards school, family, and me changes soon, because I'm not sure how much longer I can handle being treated this way. The things that people don't know is that when he and I are behind closed doors he's attacking me wanting sex, looks at me during the day making sex noises, he's always making sexual gestures towards me and I'm getting to the point where I'm about ready to say "BYE-BYE MY BABY BYE-BYE" as Jo Dee Messina would say.

Sometimes I think I deserve the way I'm treated by men, then I realize that its not my fault. I'm a sexy, independent, intelligent, young woman. I know what I want out of life and apparently guys just look at me like I'm some sex toy. People think that our troops overseas are something else, but has anybody, other than myself, really took time out of their busy day to sit down and talk to a soldier that's overseas? I talk to a soldier everyday, we've been talking for the past 3 years, yet all he wants to talk about is sex, so intentionally some of the troops overseas are good guys, the older ones, the other's do it for the money and the women. I've been friends with quite a few soldiers ones that are in basic and some that are overseas, a few that are on vacation, they all seem the same, its sex and money. I've even noticed that some of the soldiers have multiple women while at the same time having a girlfriend! I wonder when the women of this country are going to begin to realize how much of pigs the men are these days.. quite frankly I'm just waiting for women to go lesbian and men will end up going gay or will have to work on their ways.

The way I see it if things keep going the way that they are, is there really a chance our species can survive? or is the end really coming?